So after ROTC class, I headed over to the Rattlers Den to see what we would be talking about today. The first thing I noticed was that the food wasn't there. Oh yeah, the people who host this discussion provide the attendees with food (fried chicken, greens, cornbread, mac n cheese). This beats standing in line at the caf so we have recently seen an increase in attendance (and thus a decrease in leftovers haha). The topic for today was Relationships. People weren't talking as much (I know I wasnt); this was probably due to the fact that we were all hungry.
So the proctor, the lovely Ms Rochelle, asked us how we define a relationship. Several students started off by mentioning love. "Love is what love does." "Love doesn't exist on a college campus." "I don't know what love is, I dont know where to find it, it aint on my GPS." These were some of the statements made by some members of the group. My answer to the question is a pretty generic one. A relationship is a bond or understanding between two persons in which trust and respect is a foundation upon which deeper emotions have the possibililty to expound. In laymans terms, a relationship is the stepping stone to something even greater. There are many different types of relationships. A business relationship, a familial relationship, a relationship between friends, and of course a dating relationship.
Somehow in the conversation, the topic of sex was introduced. The question was asked if sex was a component of a relationship. My immediate answer was no (I said this to myself). To my surprise, others were of an entirely different approach. Some of them articulated the fact that sex didn't have to exist in a relationship at all. One male of the group equated sex to a "business transaction" to which several of the females concurred. At this point I have my mouth open like whaaaaat? How can you downgrade sex to just a casual thing as a business transaction?!! I know I remember a comedian saying something like, "when I have sex, I like to make a deposit and hope I dont withdraw anything (STD) and nine months later I hope any interest (a baby) hasn't accrued. When you put it like that it's kinda funny. But he's a paid comedian. This was a real talk conversation.
During the discussion many opinion were issued and many received harsh feedback including one of my own. After hearing several outlandish statements, (I say outlandish only because it is a contrast to my own beliefs, I respect the fact that others' opinions make sense to them even if they dont to me) I said, "So after a person has done anything and everything with somebody else and their friends, what do they have to bring to a marriage?
I stated this because the way that I was brought up, in a little town in Alabama, a person waited until marriage before having sex. Sex was not an everyday thing. Sex was defined to me as a gift from God, not only essential for procreation but pleasurable as well. He knows the desires of man. He is an understanding God so he provided that release for us. However, in the discussion sex was again equated as a "casual occurence". One young woman stated that she wasn't in a relationship...that she all she wanted was a "cut buddy." I'm not as well versed in the Floridean vernacular but I can only guess at the meaning of a "cut buddy."
I furthered my query by saying that "if the sex is played out and you have done every position, explored every nook and cranny, done EVERYTHING, then the marriage will not have sustenance. Maybe that's why so many marriages are ending in divorce." Because sex IS an importanct factor in a relationship your sexual frequency and experience is equally as important. Sex is important in a relationship whether you are or are not engaging in sex. It still has presence and it is still on the mind of the persons in the relationship.
After giving my two cents, one particular girl decided to give her five dollars and change to me. She said "Sex should not be the reason you get married. If you are getting married because of sex then you are getting married for the wrong reason. Marriages fall apart for more reasons than sex." She directed this torrent of words at me looking me dead in my eye. Feeling verbally abused by her heightened voice levels I responded back at her. I usually dont stoke the fires but I didnt like the way she came at me. I told her that that was not what I said. At no point in time did I say that marriages fall apart because of sex. "Sex is an important part of marriage and-" She cut me off, "Sex is not an important part of marriage. If a woman got married and decided to not have sex for a year with her husband then she is perfectly liable."
Needless to say, I didnt respond to that and the discussion moved to other topics because if I did...(decorum, deep breath). In fact, sex is an integral part of a marriage.
"Sex is actually part of a healthy marriage. Many couples eventually fall into a place of deep comfort, where sex no longer plays a heavy role in their lives. But some couples are able to keep the magic alive well into their sixties and seventies. Sexual expression is an inherent and obviously pleasurable experience for most people. It is part of living and loving and growing together. The lack of it may signal a problem, especially if the couple has been together less than five years and one partner is truly dissatisfied with the current arrangement." (http://www.professorshouse.com/family/relationships/how-important-is-sex-in-a-marriage.aspx)
The absence of sex in a marriage can lead to many issues including jealousy, extra-marital affairs, and a lack of trust and confidence in the other partner.
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